long time no see

wow ... such a long time since i've logged in this page >.<

well it's only two weeks more for me to finish my diplome in hospitality management and after this i means i will have to start working :) i think that i will enjoy working i hope so >.<>

its such a scay thought thinking that we will be goin out there alone into such a big world and challenging all the people out there. i wanna tell myself that everything will be ok and i really hope that i can survive in the real world. that would mean that there is no more playing a full or time to spend with friends and also family. well if there is any time left of i would prefer to spend it with my friends and weekends would be for family :)

starting to work means being an adult and that also means its time to start thinking about the future like having a family and stuff like that. this is the scary part. more question will pop out and that means more stress 0.0 i mean just think about it. you have to think about money and also making sure that you can work in the company for a long time with high salary and hoping that it will keep increasing. then there is the economy to worry about. besides all the money matter, there is also the special ones to worry about wondering if he is the one and stuff like that.

i may seem a little early but trust me time just fly by REALLy quickly. it feels like it was just yesterday that i finished high school and entered college but now i am almost done with college and goin into the working industry. but there is really something i can do. holidaying with my friends :) because after that i am not sure how often we will meet. although we stay in the same neighbourhood but i dun think that we will have time to go out and have fun like we always do. because there will be alot of other commitment that we have :(

i just really hope that things will still be the same even when we have started working :) i do plan to continue studying for my degree or mayb masters :) that is with my friends and also in the same college taking the same course :) that would make us feel like goin back to high school :)

i guess that is all for now cause i have not started on my assginment and i pnly have 2 more weeks to finish all my assignments that the lecturer throw to us last minute >=/ YES that is what they always do .... HMMMM

month of may

after so long i finally remembered that i had a blog >.> actually its cause i dun know what to blog about. everything is already mentioned on facebook and twitter :)

anyway another one more week of holiday then its back to genting and limited internet and also limited kk's friend's laughter. i;m surely goin to miss that since i;m like 1 hr 30 mins away from them :(

well i guess we can spend every weekend together if my parents will allow me to go out that is =.=" but then again i;m already old enough to be goin out with my friends hmmm...

cant wait for the glee project that we are on too now. i hope it will be a success and make us famous on youtube. it would be amazing if we ger featured video. just imagine all of us working in the same industry. u know what industry i'm talking about. still dun know??? THE MUSIC INDUSTRY !!! now u get it??

crossing my fingers and praying hard that this time this project will work out great and our video will be featured on youtube..

ok goin back to watching movies again. update again later :)

kallistar out

when will the end be?

i feel like a tree
no matter how high i try to grow
there is always someone there trying to cut me down

my life is like a broken road
the road that i choose will always have an unexpected end
its like a bridge that is not finished

what is the point of building something that i cannot finish?
what is the point of growing so tall when there is no way to reach the top??
although many will say that if you dun get up the first time keep trying
you maybe able to get up the 100th time

but i ask,
what if no matter how many times i try to get up i still cant?
what if i fell like someone is trying really hard to not let me stand?
how do i make that person disappear?

i'm scare of facing the world alone
i'm scare of knowing where i would be
i'm scare that i will not make it
i'm scare that i will regret
i'm scare, really scare

i just want to do something that i like for once in my life
not what people expect me to do or be
i want to follow my heart and see where i can be
not listen to what people are ordering me to do or be
i want to live the life that i want
so i know that i have live my life to the fullest and wont regret it


would You help me?
would You guide me?
would You show me?

when will the end be?
so i can grow as high as possible
finish the bridge i always wanted to build
live the life i want so i wont regret

kallistarson

~I LOVE YOU ~

yes I LOVE YOU. my parents for 22 years. i have never been so proud and lucky to have a parents like them. i know i have been complaining about them and also angry with them. but then they are something the coolest parents ever. if you wanna know why all of the change so sudden. well let me tell you.

last wed i was out drinking with a bunch of them. cause i was hungry and also tired i kinda got drunk and i din know. hey that was the first time i got drunk how was i suppose to know what it feels like?? anyway that is not the main point. so after being all drunk one of them sent me back with their car and i was safely home. and NOTHING happened.

so the main purpose of this blog is that i wanna thank my parents for understanding me and always being there for me. yes i may have time wish that i was not staying with them or also think that they are berat sebelah. but then there is some times that i really admire them. for example when i told them about me getting drunk and they was telling me to be careful and how it is ok to get drunk at home and not outside.

and i also wanna thank raymond for making my day when i am feeling down. now i know who i can trun to when i am feeling down. raymond you really made my day. and also thanks for the advise. so in return here is something. dun get fired, QUIT i know that you can find a better job that this.

i think the new tagline for kk-ians should be "we are there for each other" cause that is what we always do ^.^
time to sleep now. night night

kallistar out

hurricane of feelings

i feel like i'm falling and i cant stand on my own anymore. will you help me up?

i cannot take all the stress and the problems and everything that i have on my shoulders. it is just to much. i wanna scream out loud. now i know what god feels like when HE was carrying the world and also all the sins that human race have done. i feel like i give people the feeling that i will be good in everything that i do and also make people put high hopes on me. but when i fall or do something wrong, all they do is say " i never thought that you will do something like this". but did they ever just stop a second and say "here let me help you up. you must be really tired"

i have 3 assignments waiting and also law midterm in two weeks. i have no idea how i am goin to make sure that i will finish everything with what the lecturer expects from me. cause i know that i will surely here something like "i thought you will be better than this" or "if you tried harder you would have gotten higher marks". on thursday i was really tired but i attended class. and i was just lying down on the chair not even one second and the lecturer was "oh kelly is fallling". no matter what i do people just keep watching. will you give me break?

sometimes i just wanna scream my lungs out hoping that all the problems will just fly away with my scream. but then in reality i know the problems will stay inside of you no matter how loud you scream. each time i try my best to make sure whatever i do pleases everyone. but what if that is all that i can do? cant you just for once say "you did your best" and make me feel good about myself? i still remember when i was studying music back in primary school. i got the 98% for my exam and people was saying "if you just got this part correct you would have full marks". i was still 12 at that time. most of the kids would be happy skipping around with that result. but because of that one sentence i was thinking to myself why din i get full marks.

cant you see what you r doing to me? all the stress and also hopes makes me feel bad about myself. it is impossible for me to be good at everything.

i need a LONNNNNGGGGG break from this
kallistar out

i've learnt my lesson

i have remind myself many time not to choose the people that wont help me with my assignment. BUT do i listen to myself? NO~ well that is why i got into this sh*t. how in the world did i end up with this group. everytime there is an assignment, i will have to do everything myself and they just sit there chitchatting.

lucky i have two of my friends that would help me out even if they dun know what exactly the assignment is about. thank god i know what the lecturer is teaching if not i also will end up like them. since i have one more assignment that will give me another chance to choose my group mate properly.

oopppssss. reminding myself again do no complaint about others and try to do better ^.^ now there is the positive attitude. ok i guess i have to go back to revising my account 0_0 another test for this week. i hope that i will remember all the formula and i will be able to do the account >.> which i greatly doubt. aih this is why i dun like numbers and hate maths. what does maths give people? PROBLEMS !!!! nothing personal but i oredi have enough problems now that i dun need maths problems =.="

okok back to my account
kallistar out

L.E.N.T

i was reading michelle's latest post and i think that what she wrote was right. sometimes we have to forgive when people hurt us. it got me thinkin about my last post. if nothing is goin to change why stay in the same place for so long? why not just move on with something else in my mind??

this is what i got from michelle's blog
L = leave
E= every
N = negative
T = thing

mayb its not such a bad thing to start right now? there is many things in life that we can enjoy and it does not have to always be with the person that hurt us. it can be the person that brings laughter and smiles in your life.

need to get back to my assignment
kallistar out